So, as you can see, it's been QUITE some time before we last spoke! Well, I last spoke.. and you sucked my words and feelings up. Today I realized (like many other days) that something needed to be changed. And it all started with a mirror, and a full belly.
Like many days, I see reflections and worse, pictures of myself. And I just don't know who I'm looking at. I don't see the girl I feel like I am (sometimes). I feel like the 'new' me, well.. ate that girl. I feel so horrid about myself, and I whine all the time so i'm not going to do that. I'm going to attempt to make a change, again. This time, I am not trying to freak myself out. Slow is key.
(isn't she hott? I want that back! lol) I did not do well this weekend, and did not feel too good about myself. I ate when I wasn't hungry, and I ate a lot of sh$t. I wanted it to be done, so I wasn't tempted. How dumb!
So tonight, I worked out. It's been a long time since I even thought about doing that. I showered first, and I think that made it better. I worked out for 20 minutes, and did everything that I would have done, plus two. So I must say I pushed myself and it feels good (even though my arms are sore) to have actually did something I set my mind too. My love is making changes in his life, and I want to do the same. I want to be proud of myself and to be happy with me most of all. I am mad that I used to think I was fat when I was NOT, I was young and I think everyone feels fat when they are young. I've learned my lesson, but I'm feeling ready to attempt to feel good again.
So anyways, I really hope it sticks this time. Instead of having some realistic goal, I'm just going to eat better, work out as much as I can, and try not to get down on myself. Food lately has just felt like this empty thing, and has really brought me down. I want to eat good, and feel good. I want to be happy with myself, and I want my boyfriend to be proud of me.
So hopefully it won't be sooo long again, but the posts won't always be soo much i'm sure :) I better stop procrastinating on my homework, and start reading Flannery O'Connor... ooh boy...
-Dana :) <3
